pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
