I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
