i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
