just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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