Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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