My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
