Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
