I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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