U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
