the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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