I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
false alarm. still invincible.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
