seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
