Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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