To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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