i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
