ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
