just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize