I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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