I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
