remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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