My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
and you fell through a lawn chair
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
