im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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