Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
