I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
