So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
