you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize