I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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