I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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