Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
