Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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