As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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