I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
