my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
