Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
