If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
