Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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