I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
