The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
