Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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