the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
