That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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