The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sext me about skeletons
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
