I think I won the penis lottery.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize