At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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