You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
