Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
