She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
