Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
