I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
