my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
