am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
