Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
