Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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