**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
