Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize