You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
