I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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