Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
