Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
