I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
