he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
