just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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