my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
