I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
