did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
