He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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