someone owes me an orgasm
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
