is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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