my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
