Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
