I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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