so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize