just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We had sex on a dog bed..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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